Reconnect With Your Spouse With This Daily Routine

I’ve already admitted that my husband and I once felt like roommates rather than soulmates and I also shared with you the 3 habits that actually saved our relationship. Today I’m going to write about a daily routine that all couples should follow in order to keep the love going strong, ‘coz who doesn’t want to keep the fire burning?

Create a couple’s ritual

Let’s get real. Going out on a date once a week is a great idea, but are you really thinking about giving your time to your partner for ONLY once a week? That’s not going to cut it.

If your relationship is already rocky, a once-a-week date won’t be enough to save it. Relationship is a time-consuming and energy-consuming equation. And people in a healthy relationship are willing to put in that time and energy because that relationship is important to them. Is your relationship important to you? I already know the answer. You do too.

So, together with your partner, come up and agree with a daily couple’s routine. It doesn’t have to take up as much as half an hour or one hour each day, but if you’d prefer that, then that’s great! If not, schedule in at least a 10 minute couple daily routine. What do you both want it to be about? Do you want to have a couple jog in the morning or evening? How about a couple shower everyday before bed? You have to invest at least 10 minutes in each other, otherwise, who else is going to invest in your spouse?

Give importance to Hellos and Goodbyes

In my house, we have a habit of giving each other a hug and a kiss when someone is leaving the front door and when someone comes in through the front door from somewhere. Make it a habit to celebrate the return of each other so you both feel wanted. And it’s also sweet to make a habit of slow goodbye. Don’t rush out the door. Kiss, hug and wish one another a great day ahead and mean it. These are the moments that happen everyday.

These are the points where you leave each other for the whole day and come back to one another after a long day. Make them special.

Bring out the smiles and laughter in each other

What was it that you enjoyed  doing with your spouse before you had kids? I’m pretty sure you enjoyed having fun together, laughing about something together and you probably adored that smile whenever you saw it. Revive that positive feeling when your spouse is in your presence. Make each other smile. Watch a comedy show. Have an inside joke…

If you are able to do all 3 things everyday, I can guarantee you can feel that affection for your spouse again. A happy couple makes a happy family. Now go and make some love! I mean, like prepare breakfast or something :p that’s love.

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3 Key Habits That Saved Our Relationship

A few months ago, my husband and I had a heart to heart talk. Well, actually it was a heart to heart text messaging. It was past midnight and I was in the bedroom trying to fall sleep (I’ve always had trouble falling asleep) while he was on the living room sofa being depressed about the state of our relationship, on top of everything else from work that was bothering him. So we began a string of text messages exposing our raw emotions and what we had hoped could be different. It might seem silly that we texted instead of talked, but sometimes we express ourselves better when we write. We don’t cut the other person’s sentence half way and we think before we click send, something most of us can’t do so well verbally.

Problems that surfaced, but not new nonetheless, were the lack of quality time we had as a couple, the lack of intimacy, we both agreed we felt like we were roommates helping each other raise a bunch of kids that matter to us both and that there was nothing more between us, we love each other but we didn’t feel we had the chance to give and receive that love. That text conversation made me nervous for the stability of our family.

Fast forward to today, we are much happier and satisfied with the dynamics of our relationship. But how was that possible? How did we go from what seemed like a failed marriage to one that will last instead of heading straight down to divorce?

Looking back, as a couple, we developed 3 key habits that most likely saved our relationship. We seek clarity, we communicate and we raise energy when we need to.

  1. Clarity 

    We asked ourselves these questions from time to time over the past few months and made sure we were working for the same thing and heading to a mutually desirable destination:- What is it that we wanted as a couple?
    – What is missing?
    – What kind of change do we want to see in our relationship 6 months from now?

    Seeking clarity is about knowing what the current problem is, as well as knowing where we want to go from here.

  2. Communication 

    If my husband had not expressed his depressive mood about the state of our relationship, and waited for his ticking-unhappiness time-bomb to explode, where do you think we will be right now?

    Communication is so so important but most of us think we already know how to do it and that can potentially lead to complacency.

    So how do we communicate effectively? In our relationship, we try very hard to follow these 3 golden rules of communication though it doesn’t mean we could do it 100% of the time, but at least we try to.

    Listen and try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Why is he telling me this? What importance does it have to him? How would I feel If I were in his shoes?

    – State without accusing. Oftentimes when couples fight, it almost always sounds like one person is blaming the other. Instead, we try to state the problem without hinting that the other party is at fault. That way, we can help each other solve the problem instead of argue over whose fault it was or wasn’t, which naturally won’t lead to any solution.

    – Always allow the door of communication to be open. Be approachable and be willing to listen when your partner wants to talk about something. Brushing it off till the next day is a habit that might destroy what’s most precious to you: your marriage.

  3. Raise Energy

    How do you have a relationship without energy? Do you remember how hyped you were to go on your first date? Or how energetic you felt just thinking of meeting him or her for dinner after work years ago?

    In a marriage, especially those with kids, energy could be hard to maintain. That’s where most couples lose in the battle to keep the relationship going.

    3 ways to raise energy:

    change frame of mind. Have a way to prompt yourself to change your mood before you walk through the door when you come back from work. Or do a 5-minute meditation when you switch from responsibilities to a relaxing evening with your spouse. Sometimes we have to consciously make ourselves ready and available to interact with our spouse.

    improve overall health. When we’re healthy, our energy lasts longer throughout the day. Keep fit by having a regular exercise routine. Stay healthy by eating a good balance of protein, fruits and vegetables.

    remember what’s important. Sometimes when we remember what’s precious to us, we have the motivation and the energy to carry things out. Just don’t forget to remember 🙂

And…. as simple as that, we’re back on track. We’re loving as ever and we do our best to carve out time from our daily responsibilities and kids for one another.

Will you try these 3 habits in your relationship even though there’s no problem right now? I’m positive that it will take your marriage to a whole new level. Who wouldn’t want to be even happier? 😉