Dear Husband, Do You Still Love Me?

Dear husband, it’s been 9 years and 6 months that we’ve been married. A lot has changed, and I have changed a lot. I am no longer the person you fell in love with. Do you still love me? 

Dear wife, it’s been 9 years and 6 months that I get to see you grow into the person that you are today. A lot has changed, but you’re still my wife. I’m glad that hasn’t changed.  

Dear husband, I’m sorry I haven’t been holding your hand a lot lately. 

Dear wife, thank you for always holding onto our children and making them feel they’re in the safest place in the world. 

Dear husband, do you mind that there has been more take-outs and less home-cooked meals recently?

Dear wife, it’s not what I eat that matters but who I get to eat with. Thank you for always waiting to eat with me.

Dear husband, what do you think of my flabby tummy?

Dear wife, does it matter what I think? I want you to love yourself regardless. And for the record, I adore that tummy. It’s gone through so much to bring happiness (babies) into our lives. 

Dear husband, it’s not beautiful when you see me yell at the kids, is it? 

Dear wife, you’re not a saint. You’re human. And no human can tolerate our kids every single time.

Dear husband, I snap at you sometimes. I never did that when we were still dating.

Dear wife, we live together, we’re bound to show our childish sides and our flaws. I married you for all the good and the bad in you, not only the good. 

Dear husband, I admittedly spend more time on my phone than with you. Are you mad at me?

Dear wife, I do wish we would spend more time together. But when you need to be alone, I respect that need. 

Dear husband, regarding the decline in business in bed…

Hm……

Dear husband, do you still love me?

Dearest wife, I still love you and will love you forever although I do hope the business in bed could get better.

Dear husband, we shall talk about that during our 20th anniversary.

?????!!!!!

Advertisements

3 Steps to Prioritising Your Spouse Above Your Schedule … And Your Kids

When most of us entered our marriage, we couldn’t wait to spend the rest of our lives with our partner. At least that was the dream. But as life went on, our spouse began appearing in the backseat in our lives. Work had to come first. Then kids. At the end of the day we barely have the energy to connect with our spouse.

Why are we doing this to the love of our life? Why did we push them to the backseat? Maybe they had pushed us to their backseat as well, but how did we all come to this point?

063015_Touch-Is-An-Emotional-Connection

Modern living is funny. As a species, we’ve never had as much as we do now. We’ve also never had as many choices in life as we do now. But ironically, we’ve also never been busier. We’ve never had lesser time with family. Most of us leave home early in the morning, barely having time to have breakfast with our family. Some don’t even get the chance. We all spend the majority of our days at work and at school, with colleagues, teachers and friends. By the time we reach home, it’s time for a rushed dinner. And honestly, no matter how much we love our kids, we can’t wait to send them to bed.

Everyone wants their downtime at the end of the day, considering so much had been going on from morning till evening. So husbands and wives end up doing their own things. Some might be playing games on their devices, some read, some watch movies on their television or some just waste time away on Facebook and Instagram. We’ve all done these things. We’ve all been there. This is what being in a relationship mindlessly looks like. We let our level of energy and the flow of the day dictate how we spend time with our partner.

This has got to stop.

We need to be in a relationship mindfully – knowing and planning what we want to do with our spouse. We have got to be in control of how we spend our time, especially so when that time is spent in the presence of our partner.

Step 1: Agree 

Talk with your partner and make sure both of you agree to want to put in more effort to plan your couple time. If not, this is not going to work. Together, decide how much time you want to at least allocate for just the two of you in a week. Remember to be realistic. Also, agree on the type of activities you both would want to engage in.

This is to prevent situations whereby both of you will be at a loss as to how to spend time together.

Step 2: Schedule It 

I know love comes from the heart, but to keep that love going, it has to be inserted in the calendar just like any other important thing in your life. Most of the times, the heart just can’t win your schedules. That’s just how it is.

Step 3: Commit

This is the part most people fail to act on. They either tell their friends or colleagues they’re free for a business even though they have the appointment at the back of their mind. Somehow we think we can treat our spouse as less important than work and colleagues. But why should we? They are the ones that will last with us.

Or both husband and wife are just too exhausted to even bother to spend time together.

Now, hold on a minute…

Do you both want this marriage to be happy and last till death do you part? If yes, don’t be lazy.

For your information, that sentence is for ME. I know how difficult it is. I am an introvert and all I want to do every evening is be by myself. But I know that’s not healthy for our relationship.

So let’s just do it! At least once a week, a few minutes, give your spouse your whole attention. Talk, massage, laugh, etc…

Till next week,

Lili is a wife and a mum to 3 boys. An aspiring writer. Adores creativity, art and beautiful creations. Dog lover. Gentle-parenting follower. Follow her parenting journey at http://www.happywehappyfamily.com where she writes about family happiness and how to stay connected to our spouse and kids.

12 Ways To Have Fun With Your Spouse Without Breaking The Bank

My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years. And believe it or not, we went without dates for the first 8 years. It took a toll on our intimacy, it took a toll on our mental health and it took a toll on the kids. We didn’t have time to be ourselves. We didn’t have time to be there just for each other, to listen to each other’s problems. We didn’t have time to unwind and relax as a couple. We didn’t have the chance to do romantic things. And that slowly turned us into grumpy parents for our kids.

Fortunately, both of us decided we needed our way of life to change. For the past one year we have gone out on weekly dates, sometimes twice a week. It was a breath of fresh air! We couldn’t fathom out how we survived the first 8 years of our marriage without dates! Now we’re addicted to time alone together.

The reason that we didn’t have dates is because we are both living in a country that’s not our own, so that means our parents/in-laws are not in close proximity. We didn’t have help. We didn’t want to leave our kids with friends, it just didn’t feel comfortable because most of our friends were still single and childless. We were the early ones to become parents.

Lucky for us, we had help the whole of last year and it was such a good investment. It seemed like a waste of money to hire help but when it gives you back your time and sanity, I would say it’s worth it.

So if you are struggling and coping without help, please consider hiring a part time baby sitter. If you have family close by, don’t be afraid to ask for help at least once in two weeks. I’m sure they’d be delighted to take care of your kids for a few hours. You really need those free hours!

Here are some of the very fun things to do with your spouse that does not cost much at all:

Go night-cycling and enjoy the lights of the city. Have a stop-over at a cheap place you can have a drink or light supper. Super fun way to spend time together, and even get some exercise in the schedule! Kill two birds with one stone! if cycling at night is out of the question, then cycle during the day. Just get your wheels and your helmet ready and pedal away!

Create your own Photo-taking Session! Grab a tripod, your camera-phone and your smiles and you’re ready. Choose a location that has meaning to you, or simply because you like how it looks and feel. Take couple photos together, set the timer on your phone and get your smiles ready while you’re in each other’s arms. If you are both camera-shy, you can still have a date going around new places to capture beautiful shots with your camera-phone, compact camera or a DSLR. The joy is in spending time together, doing something different together and having something as a memory keepsake.

Hold Hands and Go Window-Shopping. Now now, ladies don’t get too excited. I don’t mean shopping for clothes or shoes. I mean shopping for something that is important for the two of you. Window-shopping gives the same delightful feeling as does planning for a vacation. You don’t actually have to buy anything, the process of looking at products and items that interest you gives you something to look forward to when you can finally make the purchase. Some of the things you can go window-shopping as a couple are to shop for house furniture, perhaps a new car, and in-house entertainment systems (the guys would love it!).

Have a Lovely Breakfast. You have no idea how liberating it was for us on our first breakfast date! Imagine this, I was able to put food into my mouth without having to feed anyone or listen to anyone go on and on about their newly found game from the App Store. It was just us, enjoying our food and each other. We could look into each other’s eyes and talk! No kids to interrupt and no spills to wipe! That’s as close to heaven as it gets!

Dance date. Put your portable speaker into your bag, head outside, choose a secluded spot and turn on slow romantic songs. Hold each other and do the slow dance like you’re the only people in the world. When was the last time you danced with your spouse? Most probably at your wedding! Why not do it again?

Volunteer at an animal Shelter. Aww those paws and wet nose will not only be therapeutic for your soul but you will also get to do something fun together with your spouse, without having to run after the kids!

Get Outdoors. Do you love a good hike? Do you like a stroll at the beach? How about just sitting near a lake, enjoying the peace and quiet? Choose whatever and wherever you love, just be there together and cherish the moment 🙂

And if you really can’t find help to look after your kids, then date at home! It doesn’t make it any less fun. Just get the kids to bed early and begin your date!

Play the Newlywed Game. Search the internet for questions that you would like to have each other’s answer. Write your answers at the same time and have a good laugh while getting to know your spouse a little bit better.

Give each other a spa-standard massage. What’s the key here? Soothing music (you can easily find them on YouTube), scented candles, massage oil and a slow massage that is not rushed. Guaranteed, both of you will feel relaxed and rejuvenated. You might end up wanting to do this for every date night because it feels SO GOOD!

Chat about the future. Daydream together. Tell each other your hopes and dreams, your plans and wishes. People change over time so what you knew about your spouse a few years ago might not be true now. It’s time for an update!

Movie Night. Nothing beats cuddling up on the sofa watching a movie you both love. Sometimes you don’t need to say anything, but being together while enjoying the same thing, is enough. That’s what partners are for isn’t it? To spend time with while you do something you love.

DIY together. Choose a furniture in your home that you both want to give a make-over. Get your spray-cans of paint and tools ready. Get to work and create a new masterpiece for your living room or bedroom all while having fun together.

(featured image: courtesy of Mo Riza – Flickr)