3 Basic Principles of Positive Parenting

What exactly is positive parenting and is it a “better” approach to parenting? Let’s explore this touchy topic together.

In the past few days, a video of a boy being punished by his father for getting kicked out of his school bus went viral, accumulated more than 2 million views and has since sparked quite a conversation in the parenting community.

If you missed the video, watch it here.

Now that you’ve watched it. I can only assume you had one of these 2 most common emotions: you either belong to the group that applaud the dad for doing it right, or belong to the group that thinks he went too far.

I’m not here to judge you for your stand. I’m not here to judge him for his action. Neither am I here to take a stand. There is no ONE RIGHT WAY to parent. What’s good for one family may not be good for another, but it doesn’t make it a “bad” way. Despite having different approaches to parenting, we all parent well but we also screw up often. That’s the reality of being parents. So there’s no judging here.

But since we’re on the topic of parenting and disciplining, I thought I should address the group of parents that want to take the road of positive parenting. The big question is always:

What makes positive parenting?

Positive Parenting or Positive Discipline focuses on the positive points of behaviour, based on the idea that there are no bad children, just good and bad behaviours. We can teach and reinforce the good behaviours while weaning the bad behaviours without hurting the child verbally or physically.

Parents and educators engaging in positive discipline are not ignoring problems. Rather, they are actively involved in helping their child learn how to handle situations more appropriately while remaining calm, friendly and respectful to the children themselves.

So in the case of this child who was purportedly being punished for being a “bully”, the father did not hurt the child physically or verbally, it could also be argued that it was a calm and friendly approach. Respectful? I would say if he didn’t film the incident and share with the world, he would have ticked the box. But since he shared with the world, i’m a little bit cautious as not to say that what he did was respectful to his child. Nevertheless, not everybody follows positive parenting, and like i’ve said, there is no better way of parenting.

However, if you want to go on the path of positive parenting, following what this dad did wouldn’t have been parked as positive parenting. Why? Because there are 3 principles of positive parenting that makes it positive:

Treating Our Children With Respect

Positive Parenting followers want to go positive because we respect the little human beings under our care. Their feelings and self-esteem matter to us. We aspire to treat them with the same respect that we give to the adults in our lives, whenever possible.

Respecting your child while disciplining him is a positive thing because it shows to your child that he’s still worthy of good attention despite his bad behaviour.

Respecting your child is positive because we are showing him how to handle difficult people respectfully. He will learn and treat his friends and colleagues with respect.

Respecting your child while disciplining him is positive because it makes him feel that he is more important than the problem he has created.

Helping Our Kids Understand Why

Another basic principle of positive parenting is that we usually focus on why a child misbehaves rather than focusing on correcting his behaviour just because it’s wrong. We help children understand why what they are doing is wrong, and provide them with the skill to seek alternative ways to cope or deal with a problem. We teach them what is right and what is wrong through communication and explanation and not through punishment or threats.

Punishments just helps the kids avoid certain behaviours in order to escape punishment but without really knowing why he is not allowed to behave in certain ways.

Helping our kids understand why is positive because they get to learn what exactly is not right or appreciated about their behaviour. So next time they will internalise that certain behaviours are not desirable because of something.

Not Giving Up When It Doesn’t Work

I have to confess that positive parenting is not an easy path. I have been tempted to divert and just be authoritarian, especially in the heat of a home crisis. I admit that I hadn’t been positive 100% of the time. Positive parenting is hard, tough work. But what makes it so special is because we are determined to make it positive. We are determined to do our best to use positive discipline on our children.

So not giving up when it doesn’t work, is what makes it positive. We still believe in this parenting approach and we are still relying on it, regardless.


Having said all this, I want to reiterate that I’m not here to take a stand or to judge any parent. I’m here to explain what positive parenting is and if you want to go on this path, these are the 3 principles that you can follow.

Have a great day!

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My Top 10 Favourite Singapore Mom Bloggers

In the past few years the Singapore-mom-blogging world has blossomed quite a fair bit. Here is a rundown of my 10 favourite Singapore Mom Bloggers in no particular order:

  1. Madpsychmum

    Madeline runs the blog like a pro. She mainly writes about travelling with her family. But one thing that strikes me is her specially dedicated page to bring you around fun places in Singapore. If you don’t know where to go this weekend, you might get some good ideas from Madeline.

  2. A Happy Mum

    Summer is a mother to 3 children. She mainly blogs about her family life, which is by no means boring. I can be hanging around on her blog forever! She has a DIY crafts page that makes me wonder why I can’t have half the creativity that she has!

  3. A juggling Mom

    Susan has a way of making her blog very fun to read. She can make me feel as if my life is not so boring when I read her blog posts. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the journey with her. She also throws in some exam tips from time to time!

  4. Sassy Mama

    What can I say? This is probably the most well-rounded parenting blog in Singapore. That’s because it’s run by a group of fantastic mamas!

  5. Our Little Smarties

    Emily runs the blog part time but who would have known? The blog is full of travel tips and inspiration making you want to plan your next vacation right away!

  6. Life’s Tiny Miracles

    David & Angie write about all the moments in parenting, from play moments to learning moments, quiet moments to holiday moments. They also have food moments! Check them out and you’ll be sucked into their world, which is not bad at all!

  7. Rainbow Diaries

    Shub writes about anything and everything. Follow her blog to add some colours to your life.

  8. Bumble Bee Mum

    This family seems to always be on the go! And they’re kind enough to bring us along via their fantastic blog posts. Join them as they share their travelling experience abroad as well as what’s happening in Singapore.

  9. mamawearpapashirt

    Need parenting insights and advice? This is the place to go to. June writes about parenting in a way that makes us feel, hey, parenting is not too bad after all.

  10. KidsRSimple

    Christy is a mama of 3 and her blog is very enjoyable to read. She even has a dedicated page to PSLE preparation!

 

3 Comfort Items EVERY Mum Deserves To Own

Eye-mask

My husband’s colleague gave me what could have been the best gift I received this year. She gave me my very first eye-mask! I fell in love with it the first time I tried it. The pressure on my eyes when it’s closed – it’s just heavenly and relaxing. She gave me the type that has an insert that could be cooled in the fridge. Super duper love it!

A recliner

What could beat a place to lie down and stretch your back? Personally I do not like to lie on the bed unless it’s bedtime. So a recliner is the perfect choice. We all deserve this y’all. Now lean back and stretch your legs!

A good playlist

Music soothes, music enlivens. Have yourself a ready playlist for different times of the day. Doing mundane housework like mopping and washing dishes? Listen to your favourite songs. At the end of the day after all the kids have gone to bed? Listen to another list of your favourite songs. Add some mood and rhythm into your life!

These are my top 3 must-have items to help me recharge and be available for myself and my family the next day. What are your go-to self-care routine? Share your secrets in the comments!